Heart

The pain of my heart is assuaged only by the misery of my being...

Lost and spinning I reach out for something,
something distant and forbidden.
Self afacing hatred tears at my mind,
shredding my grasp of self.

Love...Lust...Pain...Hate...Remorse...

Drowning I gasp for the life that you breath,
warm, love, lust, lost.
Wonton need drives my ambition,
rending my will...my last iota of self.

Flesh...Sweat...Fear...Greed...Emptiness...

Tangled, twisted...fingers drag slowly,
slowly through loves spider web of lust.
Burning desire brings us ever closer,
pushing us furthur apart.

Happy...Sad...Tears...Warmth...Closeness...

Uplifting, realization weighting down my conscienceness,
fear, loathing learning more then one can handle.
Ice cold tendrils grip me,
freezing me with knowledge disallowing fullfillment...

The pain of my heart is assuaged only by the misery of my being...
I bear your weeping frame with the smile of friendship...
Fading I shrink from you...You who will never know me...I who will never be...

Thoughts

Here are my thoughts. Accept them or not.
They are my fleeting passages. Born on my mind.
With ever moment they leap to the front.
Quickly passing, falling to the back. Then lost.

These are my thoughts. The gibberish. The rambling.
Non-sense spouted from a simple mind.
Garbledie gook. Flibberdy flop.
From a mind most misunderstood.

I didn't want to know

I didn't want to know
what you were screamin about
what i was dreamin about

I didn't want to know
what the day would bring
why the phone won't ring

I didn't want to know
when this feeling would end
why your love would end

I didn't want to know
who was on the other line
when every thing would be fine

I didn't want to know
who would save me
why this has to be

I didn't want to know
the full extent of this lie
what it would feel like to die

I didn't want to know
I didn't want to know
I didn't want to know
but now I do

outside

in the darkness i stand.
looking in from outside.
hearing the words.
watching the movement.
i stand here.
frozen to the spot.
watching.

in the darkness i stand.
looking in from without.
feeling the words.
hearing the movement.
i stand here.
frozen to the spot.
observing.

here i stand.
cold in the night.
feeling the rain.
fall from the sky.
rapt i stand.
watching the world.
lost to me.

here i stand.
cold in the night.
smelling the dank.
falling on my head.
rapt i stand.
hearing the world.
lost to me.

breathe i breath.
chill as the night.
forced behaviour.
mimiced from the past

breathe i breath.
colder the the night.
forced behaviour.
mimic of life.

darkness encroaching.
rain slicked skin.
distance expanding.
hate filling the gap.
rapt i stand.
death in my hand.

darkness enfolding.
wet chill on chilled skin.
distance expanding.
hate driving my thoughts.
rapt i stand.
death in my head.

chilled thought.
chilled soul.
chilled blood in my viens.
turning i release them.
their dance continues.
turning i release me.
their dance continues.

chilled thought.
chilled soul.
chilled blood in my viens.
turning i release them.
their dance continues.
turning i release me.
their my shadown remains.

the end

the end
the end
this is the end

i have been looking for this since the begining of time
i have been searching for the thing that can bring me
bring me the peace that if want
bring me the peace i deserve
i have been here before
i have been to the brink
the brink of destruction
the brink of destruction

i have been looking for this for my entire existance
i have been searching for the answer to my prayers
praying to be at peace
praying to for peace
stretching for the desired
reaching out for the prize
peace is out of reach
peace is out of reach

i have been tortured by this since the beginning of time
i have been burned by the desire for the end
burning for the end
burning for the peace
i have been here before
i have been at the brink
burning for the end
burning for the end

i have seen what you seek close your eyes and see it
i have seen your soul and it reflects me
turning at the end
hanging by a thread
your soul sings to me
your soul pleads to me
searching for the release
seeking the end of the pain

the end
the end
this is the end

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

nawing at my core
leaving me hollow

lonely lost distraught

searing my brain
rending all thought

shattered scattered destroyed

igniting my anger
fanning the flames of hate

burn blast sunder

the primal
the base
the core of my being

all that i feel
all that i see
all that i am

burns with the thought
turns my brain to lava
molten and boiling

waiting to burn
the fear of you
the one that hates

driving me to the brink
lost in my hate
fearing my pain

pulling me closer
forcing the anger
hatred of an eon

red hot searing
thoughts of the past
dawn of the future

blackened to ash
destroyed by love
destroyed by hate

raised by fear
the fear of the one
lost and alone

flowing the ages
cold freezing frozen
darkness enfolding

all is as it was
never again to be
burned out of hate

for hate fears
that which it knows
known through life

lost and gained
given and taken
lost and found

burning burning burning

I am...I am

I am the beginning and I am the end
I am creator and I am created
I am everything and I am nothing
I am alive and I am dead
I am life and I am death
I am the light and I am the darkness
I am alpha and I am omega
I am this and I am that
I am all that was and I am all that ever will be
I am the the giver and I am the taker
I am the seeker and I am the sought
I am love and I am hate
I am balance and I am chaos
I am joy and I am pain
I am gain and I am loss
I am the son and I am the father
I am rich and I am poor
I am, I was and I will be

Among us

Those no longer among us
Stand e'er beside us.
Those gone whom we love
Smile upon us from above.
Though farther away then we can stand
Are as close to us as if holding our hand.

Nothing can be said to ease the pain
Of a loved one passing which heart strings strain.
Yet a friends warm smile and heartfelt hug
Can distract the mind and heart strings tug.
Though close to us as if holding our hand
Are farther away then we can stand.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A loved one's passing is a painful thing. No matter the age.

In memory of Evelyn Hauber and Toby Empson

A Long Forgotten Wind

The warm radiance of the day wisps across me like the breeze of a long forgotten wind.
Sending my trembling skin to goose flesh in a heart beat.
While the sweet scent of honey suckle plays with my senses.
Weakening my resolve and twisting my down trodden spirit.
Lifting me up with the strength of ages as delicately as if brushed by a doves wings.
My heart flutters to life...
Reflecting the pitter patter sound of a toddlers uncertain steps.
Flushed I awaken to the days last rays glinting off the wavering blades of grass.
Crowning my head in a wreath of earthen green.
Swaying gently in the breeze of some long forgotten wind.

Searching

Eternally I search.
Seeking your visage.
From dusk ’til dawn.
I traverse eternity.
Lost in the hope.
That finding will answer.

My hearts questions.From begining to begining.
My search spans all knowledge.
Yet I live in oblivion.
To all I desire.
For I am lost.
In these planes of strife.
Without you to anchor.
My wandering life.

The Everlasting

Searing and twisting thecherry tipped poker of fates hatefullanswers rend my flesh to naughtbut the charred remnent of loves wontondreams. Fear grips andturns the clamp ever tighter around minealready clenched fists ofrages. Trickling rivlets of crimson coursesdown wrists severed bythe need for proximity denied. Ashen angercrawls acrose thefeatureless landscape of my up turned face leftvacant by the madness ofmy cursed existence. Beastial rumbling of anunleashed lust tiedby the stake of unlife I growl at my captor withthe fear of undeniablerequited fury. As the mist of my being driftsin to the eather ofthe unknown I crie out. "Release me! Devoure me! Forsurely I shall exist no more! Be one with the first for thelastwill come quickly to cease his time up on this plane! Releaseme!"

Fading I look down at you with loathing and lust. At once loved and too hated.

Twisted... I inspire and twisting I expire.

The Geeks Life

the radiant glow from the CRT cascades across my fingers as they traverse the well worn path of the coder. tapping an ancient rhythm that sooths the inner self. opening the mind to the flood of knowledge zipping along the information highway. feeling the electric tickle flow through me as i absorb the 1s and 0s like a sponge in water. ever building my fortress of insight to fend off the siren call of the neon green seductress. flickering tantalizingly from the back alley of the free net. begging, pleading me to enter. wantonly desirable to all a perverse lure to snare the senses with lustful abandon. only to trap you in shackled fury leeching the bandwidth from your system like the succubus she truly is. plaguing your system with zombied processes. feeding her master with all you possess. stalking your every move as a ghost in the system. corrupting the corner stones of your system to allow the net scum to pass as a spectre unseen through your person. rending your most intimate thoughts public in an instant. projecting your behavior on the wall screen of information... making you another number to the giants. the corporate mind seething as it relishes its victory over yet another victim of underhanded business.

I resist. but for the brief weakness i pay with hours of clean up. with naught but hatred as payment. I, the computer geek, have resisted and yet they have won. they have not taken my being. they have not taken my thoughts. but yet they have won because I am no longer free. even as I continue to learn and grow and defend against them I am not free. for they have taken away the one thing that makes us all free.

Choice. the true freedom is choice. and that they have taken. but we can take that back. stand together and we can still defeat them. take back the net. stand up for free knowledge. resist their sirens. resist the best they can throw at you and share the knowledge you have with all.

Wings

On bright shining wings,
Up lifting and strong.
With voices clear and bright,
Whispering to you a song.
Of strength and peace,
Enveloping you when you hear it.
Emboldening your will,
And empowering your spirit.
Leading you while you slumber,
Keeping you safe from harm.
Allowing those whom you love,
Enjoy another day of your charm.
So dream a sweet dream,
Of peace and harmony.
For I pray you will,
Return quickly unto me.

The Life and Death of a Man

This is a story of the life and death of a man,
with one foot bare and a gun in his hand.
The last of a great family, the tried and the true have past.
Taking with them the all that they could.
The first, a big lawerman with the best of the wealth and life in his hand.
The third, a punk with naught but her looks to bring her fortune and fame.
The son of the one has naught but a gun;
Which he gives to the last to help with his past,
of which there is none to speak.
A life that is ruins with the best lost, or stolen.
His back to the wall with fears of betrayal.
The last is a ghost in a life that is not his,
dreams of grandeur shattered by reality.
With a shot all is forgot as dreams fly and hopes splatter.
The last is lost with one foot bare and a gun in his hand.

The Victor

The light shines and the darkness fades away.
Victory over the daemons calls for rejoice.
The pure relax and their guard is dropped.
Evil flows and grows as the righteous restore their faith.
The death bringers attack, destruction in their hearts.
The faithful recoil in fear.
Waiting for a greater good to save them.
The faithless defenders step forward.
Their blades drawn in defense of the weak.
Caring little for themselves.
Sacrificing all for the helpless.
The battle is fierce.
The demons grow in power cutting through the defenders.
The fight seems hopeless.
Evil seems victorious over the fallen defenders.
Only one is still standing.
His back to the wall, sword blackened by the evil.
The weak scream out in fear.
Cries of mercy flow past the defender.
The evil merge into one.
The defender stands firm, defeat in his eyes.
The devil laughs a wicked laugh and reaches for the last hope.
It's finger, claws of charred bone.
Victory playing in his empty sockets.
A beam of while light shines down on the defender.
The devil recoils in fear and agony.
A fiery sword comes to life in the defenders hand.
His armor renewed and shining.
His sword moves sure and swift.
The devil is laid to waste in an instant.
The defender steps into the light and vanishes.
The weak are left to ponder their fate.

Vampire

A warm rain ran down his face.
Thoughts of rage dampening his senses.
He could smell the fear emanating off of his quarry.
He readies himself for the attack.
Steam rising from his cold body.
He springs forward.
Pain filling his brain as he is slammed to the ground.
He spins and looks upon his attacker.
A dark figure stands above him.
Only her shinning green eyes can be seen.
She raises her gun.
The sound of the shot scares his prey away.

Possessed

lightening slams into my body
the pain searing with pleasure
flesh melts away
as my body convulses with ecstasy

rock splits when my carcass slams against it
blasted by the force of my enemies power
the impact snapping bones
my body falls limp at your feet

with loathing you step forward
kicking at my limp body
disgusted by the fleshy mass
you withdraw

your back to pile of flesh and blood
content fills you
eyes upon the battle field
destruction emanates from your form

behind I stand
my bones gelatinous with in my flesh
i advance on prey
demonic glee playing across features lost

with uncontrolled perception i pounce
strength born of demons
i rend your flesh
blood bile and bone torn

your scream lost to ears
no longer of this realm
i feast on your life
drinking greedily

struggling with nerveless muscles
you fail to shake me
fingers and fangs driven deep
i cling to you

screaming you awake
sweating you sit in bed
reality slams home
it was only a dream

you lie back
clearing your head of the fear
convinced you stare at the ceiling
closing your eyes my face appears
pearl white fangs grinning at you in the darkness

The Rant

Lately I’ve found that life itself seems to be dragging me down... Trying to drown me in a flood of meaningless situations withinsignificant parasites feeding off of my very existence. Leavingmy mind muddled with useless bits of obstenous information. Andforcing their stress mongering facism on we the people of this greatrat race called life. Weakening us with wearysome worriednessdeplorable indecisiveness. Enslaving the low with averice andsupplementing our greed with material impoverishment. Thusensuring their totalitarion grasp of our consumer souls.

All that and I hate my life...

Go figure...

Poetry and Poems

Poetry and Poems, words of love and passion.
Sought after as greatness, thought of by madness.
The words hold such meaning, the phrases nothing.
A love of life and fear of greatness, Bring
out the words that mean such nothingness.
The only hope , or fear, is that someone will find the meaning in the words of the mind.

One

Cries of pain, screamed in horror.
All is as one.
The scene is tradgety.
Thoughts of death and destruction.
The wreckage is minimal,
but the fear is overwhelming.
All converge on the body.
A life lost, All is as one.
Lights flash and sirens scream.
The coutryside flashes past.
They work feverishly trying to save him.
But he is clearly gone.
The body is shell, the soul is lost.
All is as one.
The flesh is torn and bandaged.
Stitches to mend and casts to cure.
The body is whole, yet the soul is shredded.
Life renewed to a man that is lost.
Day by day life passes.
Stitches removed, casts cut.
Life renewed to a man that is lost.
No doctor can cure the pain that rocks this body.
The cure is held in understanding.
Love is charished and hoped for,
Yet not wanted.
The mind playes havock with the emotions of a madman.
One is as all, life renewed to a mind that is lost.

Laughter

Tickling my ears,
lost to the night.
Ever twisting,
forcing my fright.
Blackness enraptures,
turning to flight.
Blackness enraptures,
lost is the fight.
Laughter unfolding,
Ichor of the night.
Laboring to beat,
thick as the night.
Breathe exhaled,
lost is the flight.
Laughter unceasing,
music of the night.

Infinite Sadness

i walk through life an empty shell of a man.
my hopes empty with out a future.
chilled to the bone i walk naked through this city.
this city unseeing blurs past me uncaring.
i stare wanting at the last rays of the day.
with darkness encroaching on my beaten and battered soul
gone is the sun the last foothold of hope.
gone are the days of innocence.
my bloodless heart pounds at the thought.
the thought of an eternity of darkness.
of hate. of lust. of murder.
as the night washes over me i scream a bestial roar.
the innocent of the day tremble, drawn to my lustful call.
though lost i am the hunter.
though lost i am the hunger.
though lost i am